My latest CK was better, but I've developed RLS and a virus. Research on the RLS led me to understand that my vegan diet was causing the problem....that plus worse insomnia and irritability. I was not taking enough quality supplements so not getting enough iron, B vitamins or vitamin E.
I started eating meat again, then told my MD doctor. He told me to stay on meat for 2 weeks, then try veganism again for 2 weeks. If I started having problems again, I have to keep eating meat. He was concerned for my spiritual welfare, but I told him I am willing to eat a cow if I have to choose between that and death. I just eat it responsibly.
I'm going through a big life change...55 years old and time to make a career change. I think that's the reason for the virus. Chemotherapy lowers my immune system but I can keep it under control as long as I control the stress. My doctor said, "Work doesn't stress you out, but stress stresses you out." I think he meant allowing myself to be in situations I don't like.
I am not a people person and lately have surrounded myself with people in order to work with a cause I believe in. I am realizing that I have to find other ways to care for the cause. This self-sacrifice is not helping me or the cause. That, I think, is the real stumbling block to getting completely well.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Almost there
I am almost well. What have I been doing since I last posted? Throwing myself into life. Staying busy. Not giving myself time to feel pain. I've also started on some new homeopathic remedies, the Einstein Energy Diet, meditation and yoga, but the main thing is just living. I run an animal sanctuary and am letting myself feel all the emotions and do all the work necessary to keep up.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Healing, Peace and Miracles
So much on our minds. So many people afraid. I tend to close myself off and stay very involved in my own affairs… Running my nonprofit, being an artist and healing from disability. However fear about what's going on in our city, our state, our country and our world started seeping in from family members and acquaintances. Thank God I went to Center For Spiritual Living on Sunday and heard Rev. Jackie started a series of talks about miracles. This I want to share with you.
Whether we receive miracles or not is based on our beliefs. To build our beliefs we can change our thoughts. Miracles can be counted on as everyday occurrences. They are not only possible. They are probable. The goal of this series is to normalize miracles in our lives.
We can get one big world miracle from all of us believing in small miracles. I'm talking about world peace. When enough of us expect this, things will change.
Rev. Jackie mentioned the Berlin wall as an example. That was not one person's doing. That was a lot of people's expectation of a miracle.
I've seen things change in my lifetime of 54 years and change for the better. I protested the war in Vietnam. It ended. I walked through the litter in our streets on earth day. Our streets are clean. In my own personal life I used to keep a book of signs, miracles and wonders. They were a daily occurrence… More so when I paid attention to them. I've received miraculous healing from kidney disease and from skin cancer.
Miracles are natural. After hearing this talk I followed the Rev. Jackie's advice and woke up thankful for a change. " I'm alive, excited and looking forward to what is going to happen today," were the words she suggested we use. For the couple of days I followed this advice, I did receive a day full of miracles… Nothing huge, just everything going my way. After a couple of days I forgot, which is why am writing this! Sharing it with you will help me to remember.
For those of us who've had muscles, joints or bones that don't work, walking can be a miracle. When she said this my ears perked up. Last winter I had to use a scooter every time I went to Wal-Mart or Costco. I certainly couldn't go for walks. Most of this winter I have been able to walk over ½ mile and often have walked through my shopping.
She said the Biblical example of Jesus' healing the withered hand came from his seeing the possibility rather than what was. What if instead of watching the news we decided to just know that our streets are peaceful. I have no doubt they would become peaceful.
Having trained as a journalist, I can say with certainty that we're shown what is wrong, not what is right. What if we only listened to and watched information that built up positive beliefs in our minds?
So many people are asking themselves these days, " Why am I here?" Rev. Jackie's answer was, " To be the place where miracles happen every moment."
Why not recognize when you are the miracle in someone else's life and when someone else provides a place for a miracle in yours? And replace the word coincidence with miracle.
I'll close with my miracle for today. I woke up with muscle spasms in my upper back. I tried using a tennis ball to work them out but made them worse. I could barely move my upper body which was very disappointing because I wanted to paint today. I decided to paint anyway. While I was painting I had no pain but a few minutes after I finished I was yelling in agony every time I moved. I desperately needed to get through a list of chores today in preparation for help that is coming tomorrow. I couldn't physically do a thing about it, though, so I sat on the sofa with ice packs, ate my lunch and watched TV.
My prayer today was that time would be expanded so that I could fit everything in (ever had this magical experience?). Even though I actually lost time with my tennis balls and ice pack, I was able to get everything done, once I decided to try moving around again. Here I am at the end of my day, looking back on how I felt and what I did and realizing this day was nothing short of a miracle.
See the possibilities and expect days full of miracles! Blessings.
Whether we receive miracles or not is based on our beliefs. To build our beliefs we can change our thoughts. Miracles can be counted on as everyday occurrences. They are not only possible. They are probable. The goal of this series is to normalize miracles in our lives.
We can get one big world miracle from all of us believing in small miracles. I'm talking about world peace. When enough of us expect this, things will change.
Rev. Jackie mentioned the Berlin wall as an example. That was not one person's doing. That was a lot of people's expectation of a miracle.
I've seen things change in my lifetime of 54 years and change for the better. I protested the war in Vietnam. It ended. I walked through the litter in our streets on earth day. Our streets are clean. In my own personal life I used to keep a book of signs, miracles and wonders. They were a daily occurrence… More so when I paid attention to them. I've received miraculous healing from kidney disease and from skin cancer.
Miracles are natural. After hearing this talk I followed the Rev. Jackie's advice and woke up thankful for a change. " I'm alive, excited and looking forward to what is going to happen today," were the words she suggested we use. For the couple of days I followed this advice, I did receive a day full of miracles… Nothing huge, just everything going my way. After a couple of days I forgot, which is why am writing this! Sharing it with you will help me to remember.
For those of us who've had muscles, joints or bones that don't work, walking can be a miracle. When she said this my ears perked up. Last winter I had to use a scooter every time I went to Wal-Mart or Costco. I certainly couldn't go for walks. Most of this winter I have been able to walk over ½ mile and often have walked through my shopping.
She said the Biblical example of Jesus' healing the withered hand came from his seeing the possibility rather than what was. What if instead of watching the news we decided to just know that our streets are peaceful. I have no doubt they would become peaceful.
Having trained as a journalist, I can say with certainty that we're shown what is wrong, not what is right. What if we only listened to and watched information that built up positive beliefs in our minds?
So many people are asking themselves these days, " Why am I here?" Rev. Jackie's answer was, " To be the place where miracles happen every moment."
Why not recognize when you are the miracle in someone else's life and when someone else provides a place for a miracle in yours? And replace the word coincidence with miracle.
I'll close with my miracle for today. I woke up with muscle spasms in my upper back. I tried using a tennis ball to work them out but made them worse. I could barely move my upper body which was very disappointing because I wanted to paint today. I decided to paint anyway. While I was painting I had no pain but a few minutes after I finished I was yelling in agony every time I moved. I desperately needed to get through a list of chores today in preparation for help that is coming tomorrow. I couldn't physically do a thing about it, though, so I sat on the sofa with ice packs, ate my lunch and watched TV.
My prayer today was that time would be expanded so that I could fit everything in (ever had this magical experience?). Even though I actually lost time with my tennis balls and ice pack, I was able to get everything done, once I decided to try moving around again. Here I am at the end of my day, looking back on how I felt and what I did and realizing this day was nothing short of a miracle.
See the possibilities and expect days full of miracles! Blessings.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Staying warm
Another level of care I've learned to give myself is that of staying warm. I used to be forever under dressing, coming back home with an ache in the back of my neck or aching legs after a chilly outing.
My doctor taught me that when my body is trying to stay warm it is using energy and lots of little muscles are tightening to hold the hair up on my body to keep it warm. Sure enough when I started being more conscientious and adding layers I notice a difference.
I've grown my hair long enough to cover the back of my neck and I always carry a long scarf and buy jackets and coats with hoods.
I wear long underwear or thin exercise pants underneath my regular pants and am able to even walk in the cold with that and my long coat covering my legs. However I even wear them in the house and everywhere I go in the winter. Sometimes the house is a little drafty and I never realize the effects of my legs trying to stay warm until it's too late. So it's become a habit.
I like to sleep with a window open, so not only do I have several layers of cover, but I also make sure my legs are covered down to the ankle with warm pajama bottoms.
The way I figure it this has another good affect on my body. Any excess energy that may have been used to stay warm can now be used to heal!
My doctor taught me that when my body is trying to stay warm it is using energy and lots of little muscles are tightening to hold the hair up on my body to keep it warm. Sure enough when I started being more conscientious and adding layers I notice a difference.
I've grown my hair long enough to cover the back of my neck and I always carry a long scarf and buy jackets and coats with hoods.
I wear long underwear or thin exercise pants underneath my regular pants and am able to even walk in the cold with that and my long coat covering my legs. However I even wear them in the house and everywhere I go in the winter. Sometimes the house is a little drafty and I never realize the effects of my legs trying to stay warm until it's too late. So it's become a habit.
I like to sleep with a window open, so not only do I have several layers of cover, but I also make sure my legs are covered down to the ankle with warm pajama bottoms.
The way I figure it this has another good affect on my body. Any excess energy that may have been used to stay warm can now be used to heal!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Stretching Without Alarm
The best physical therapist I've ever had taught me that some of the best stretching can be done before you get out of bed. To accomplish this I taught myself to wake up without an alarm. Just going to bed at the same time every night and getting up at the same time every morning did that trick.
I do not understand why stretching is so natural when I first wake up, but it does feel wonderful. I just lie in bed and let my body do what comes naturally… Yawn and stretch, yawn and stretch.
This ties in with a new physical therapy movement called, "unwinding," in which the therapists leads the client's body into moving how it wants to while the therapist protects and guides. In this way the body can relive and back out of past traumas.
I accompany all this with stretches from the best book I've ever had on stretching called, " Stretching!"
As a side note, I recalled this morning that I heard a very powerful message last week from Carolyn Myss and her DVD called, "Why People Don't Heal And How They Can." It was about people losing their power and consequently becoming ill. I will check this out from the library again, watch it again and write on it separately. It is worth a separate post. As preparation for hearing this message, try this: when you are in social interactions, do not speak of your illness. Instead speak of your accomplishments. It's very difficult to do because we rely on our illnesses to communicate with each other. But accomplishing this is very powerful. You will be surprised how much better you feel when you talk about what you can do instead of making excuses for what you can't do.
I do not understand why stretching is so natural when I first wake up, but it does feel wonderful. I just lie in bed and let my body do what comes naturally… Yawn and stretch, yawn and stretch.
This ties in with a new physical therapy movement called, "unwinding," in which the therapists leads the client's body into moving how it wants to while the therapist protects and guides. In this way the body can relive and back out of past traumas.
I accompany all this with stretches from the best book I've ever had on stretching called, " Stretching!"
As a side note, I recalled this morning that I heard a very powerful message last week from Carolyn Myss and her DVD called, "Why People Don't Heal And How They Can." It was about people losing their power and consequently becoming ill. I will check this out from the library again, watch it again and write on it separately. It is worth a separate post. As preparation for hearing this message, try this: when you are in social interactions, do not speak of your illness. Instead speak of your accomplishments. It's very difficult to do because we rely on our illnesses to communicate with each other. But accomplishing this is very powerful. You will be surprised how much better you feel when you talk about what you can do instead of making excuses for what you can't do.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Second Week Back
Two days after my second day back on oral chemo, I had a bit of a relapse. I felt weak when I finally dragged myself out of bed, tired and felt like my cold was worse than better.
I took a huge round of supplements: homeopathy, Oreganol, Bioplasma, silver, etc. and boosted myself with two cups of coffee throughout the day because it was time to start my weekly round of cages.
I still had a relaxed day...stopped to talk to a neighbor, listened to a book, painted, read a little and spent time with Buddy (the rat I am sitting for). But I still got the necessities done and took my first walk in over a week...just half a block, but progress. When I walked, I remembered what Dr. Friedman has said about stopping before I am tired. It was too late for that, but at least I didn't force the whole block!
I thought back over my several days on the sofa as I headed for my neglected studio, and realized how much more energy that rest had given me. Nothing got so far behind that I couldn't catch up within a few days.
I told my neighbor that I am glad to be back on the medication because overall I do feel better. Taking myself off of it for a couple of months gave me some perspective. Being thankful for my medication is bound to help my body to utilize it better.
I took a huge round of supplements: homeopathy, Oreganol, Bioplasma, silver, etc. and boosted myself with two cups of coffee throughout the day because it was time to start my weekly round of cages.
I still had a relaxed day...stopped to talk to a neighbor, listened to a book, painted, read a little and spent time with Buddy (the rat I am sitting for). But I still got the necessities done and took my first walk in over a week...just half a block, but progress. When I walked, I remembered what Dr. Friedman has said about stopping before I am tired. It was too late for that, but at least I didn't force the whole block!
I thought back over my several days on the sofa as I headed for my neglected studio, and realized how much more energy that rest had given me. Nothing got so far behind that I couldn't catch up within a few days.
I told my neighbor that I am glad to be back on the medication because overall I do feel better. Taking myself off of it for a couple of months gave me some perspective. Being thankful for my medication is bound to help my body to utilize it better.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
A Friendly Place
Now that I'm on the downhill side of recovering from a cold, I realize the main healing source was left out of my previous blog---spirit. This morning in Living the Science of Mind, I read, "All too often, like the Children of Israel, we find it easy to build golden calves and reach with lustful hands to grasp the illusion of temporal power."
I was taken aback to find an old Biblical reference applied to my life today because I put the Bible aside years ago.
"It is only as we turn our thoughts away from this Spiritual Sovereignty that our faculties and energies become dispersed. This makes us a weakened nation, subject to the invasion of every fear, doubt, disease..." The word disease caught my eye and I knew I was meant to hear this today.
My thoughts are so much turned toward figuring things out and my energies spent toward doing that I don't give much thought to Spirit except in morning readings.
The last few days of recovery have been an act of throwing myself on the mercy of Spirit. What more could I do? I had to go back on chemotherapy and did not have enough energy to fight a cold. I took my homeopathy and my supplements and drank my teas, which thankfully helped, but mostly I lay on the sofa watching Netflix, just letting the work pile up around me. This time, though, I did not feel guilty, or sad or upset.
My source of "temporal power" has been my physical body, through my 20's and 30's, then sheer willpower and intellect as I got older. I will either push and shove my way through the difficulties of life (sometimes injuring myself in the process), or will intellectualize the issues and figure them out. Sometimes, though, I keep having to re-figure them out over and over because I am not going to the Source for the answers.
I have never enjoyed theology. I prefer practical application, so looking back over the past few days, the difference was that I allowed myself to relax...I lived in the moment of being physically helpless in my illness. I did only the bare bones of what needed to be done for the rats and the rest was all about what I needed.
I also practiced an attitude change: life is my friend. If Spirit is truly my Source then this must also be so. Definitely being sick surrounded by friendship is so much better than trying to get well all alone.
I was taken aback to find an old Biblical reference applied to my life today because I put the Bible aside years ago.
"It is only as we turn our thoughts away from this Spiritual Sovereignty that our faculties and energies become dispersed. This makes us a weakened nation, subject to the invasion of every fear, doubt, disease..." The word disease caught my eye and I knew I was meant to hear this today.
My thoughts are so much turned toward figuring things out and my energies spent toward doing that I don't give much thought to Spirit except in morning readings.
The last few days of recovery have been an act of throwing myself on the mercy of Spirit. What more could I do? I had to go back on chemotherapy and did not have enough energy to fight a cold. I took my homeopathy and my supplements and drank my teas, which thankfully helped, but mostly I lay on the sofa watching Netflix, just letting the work pile up around me. This time, though, I did not feel guilty, or sad or upset.
My source of "temporal power" has been my physical body, through my 20's and 30's, then sheer willpower and intellect as I got older. I will either push and shove my way through the difficulties of life (sometimes injuring myself in the process), or will intellectualize the issues and figure them out. Sometimes, though, I keep having to re-figure them out over and over because I am not going to the Source for the answers.
I have never enjoyed theology. I prefer practical application, so looking back over the past few days, the difference was that I allowed myself to relax...I lived in the moment of being physically helpless in my illness. I did only the bare bones of what needed to be done for the rats and the rest was all about what I needed.
I also practiced an attitude change: life is my friend. If Spirit is truly my Source then this must also be so. Definitely being sick surrounded by friendship is so much better than trying to get well all alone.
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